New Leaf Resources

Angie's "Under Construction"

We are constantly changing and growing. We learn new things everyday whether from ourselves or from the relationships and families we are involved in. We can become stronger, healthier and happier by the way we treat others, view ourselves and experience the world around us.

This column by Associate Marriage & Family Therapist Angie Cerniglia explores the fascinating world of relationships and the multiple parts of ourselves. We are beautifully and wonderfully made and since God is never really finished molding us, we are therefore, always, Under Construction.


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I do it all... or do i?

May 11, 2015
By Angie Cerniglia, MA, AMFT, LPC

I have a confession: I try to do it all. Like most adults in our society, I feel the pressure to have a career, be health conscious, have a clean home, flourishing friendships, and a happy marriage. For some reason, it’s not enough to have all those things; there’s a pressure to be overly successful at every single one. So, when my husband and I planned a day to spend together, and a girlfriend called to see if I wanted to do lunch that same day, it’s not surprising I started to get that little feeling creeping up the back of my neck. That nasty monster who always seems to find a way to rear it’s ugly head–guilt. I had not seen this friend in a long time, and I began to feel that maybe spending time with my husband was not a good enough reason to turn down the opportunity to catch-up. As that thought began to twist and form in my mind, I suddenly stopped; when did spending time with my husband become a bad reason to say no to something? I know when it happened. It happened the moment I decided to “do it all.”

The societal pressure put on all of us to “do it all” makes it extremely difficult to determine which parts of our lives should take precedence. To “do it all” we have to put a little of ourselves into everything. This doesn’t allow us to put more of ourselves into the areas that are most important. There is simply not enough of us to go around. We are forced to compromise our time and energy, and we’re left feeling like failures. It is a no win situation that we all try to win.

If we do not make time for the things that are most important to us, then they will no longer be important to us. So, do we really need to compromise one thing for the other? I looked at the monster on my shoulder, and I realized that that little devil was created out of my need to do it all.

As I scheduled a different date and time with my friend that didn’t interfere with my plans with my husband, I felt empowered. I made a choice, and the fur ball on my shoulder was just going to have to deal with it.